“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalms 46:10

This is a journal entry that I wrote at a Regnum Christi retreat back in February. It was a time of uncertainty with the move to Holland. I want to always remember and keep in mind when I’m looking down upon the rough and wavy waters or those times when I have a lack of faith or lack of trust in our Lord.

It was a chilly Thursday evening as I walked into the Moye retreat center for my first Regnum Christi Triduum of Renewal. My thoughts were filled with anxiety, tension, and turbulence on all different levels. I felt like a little child with my hands full of school books and my backpack barely hanging on. I felt as if I tripped and those heavy books, papers, pencils, and thoughts went flying. HE was there to pick me up. HE embraced me. HE showed me the way, the truth, and the life He wants me live.
I had brought all my favorite prayer books and my current read, The Hiding Place by Corrie T. Boone with me, but HE had other plans. It was His turn to talk and my turn to listen. It was my turn to deny myself and ask Him, “Lord, who do you say that I am?”From Thursday to Sunday, I relished in His infinite LOVE through meditations, confession, spiritual guidance, adoration, and never ending prayer. For a silent retreat, A LOT was said. I felt like I took a really long shower or stood outside in a slow beautiful spring rain, but the water was JESUS! I soaked up the Holy Spirit in every possible way! My purple little notebook started off as notes as I took in college with bullets, key points, and lots of underlining. Then Sunday before mass, my little purple notebook turned into my love letter to Jesus. I talked to him without any hesitation, without any fear of what I should or shouldn’t be saying.
“Jesus, I love you and want to love you more everyday…
What true JOY, happiness, and peace you bring into my life! I noticed this weekend that I gravitated toward the light in the chapel, the warmth in Mary’s grotto, or the sunset at dawn. I know that life will be cold and dark at times, but help me Lord to SEEK you….always! Help me Lord to let my light shine for YOU! Help me Lord to commit faithfully without knowing the answers with whatever I don’t fully understand. I noticed Lord that when I kept my entire body still and focused on your Holy presence, my eyes were fixed on you and I could not let go. Once again, you had me completely captivated. The world around me was a blur. I marveled and am in awe of your presence no matter where I am or where you lead me to. I am sorry Lord for being hesitant and insecure in my thoughts and actions. May I seek union with you Lord! Help me to trust and trust some more to lead me to LOVE as St. Therese of Lisieux. You guided me to passionately pray, you showed me the root of my sins, and you showered me with love. You set my heart on fire for YOU! Lord, I love you with all my heart, soul and energy! Help me Lord to show this never ending love and compassion to others. Here I am Lord, I have come to do your will…not my own. Thank you for picking me up, taking all my worries, and filling me with LOVE for you and eternal life in Heaven.”
So, you can imagine this mama is still floating in the clouds from her silent retreat.  

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